Hi all,

I was hoping to get some advice or just see if anyone else has felt this way. I'm a 26F and my boyfriend is 28M, and we've been dating for about 3 months, "officially" together for around a month. For some context, I have an anxious attachment style with a bit of avoidant mixed in, and my last relationship ended pretty badly, so I think that's playing a role here.

Here’s the thing: I really like him. I think I might be falling in love, and I even feel ready to say "I love you" (though he’s not quite there yet, which is fine). But I also keep getting these random doubts that honestly don’t even make sense.

For example, he’s honestly such a great boyfriend—he’s sweet, attentive, and thoughtful in a way I’m not used to. He communicates openly, responds to my texts quickly, is affectionate, gives me compliments, and even buys me little things when he can (he’s a student, so money’s tight). He’s surprised me with flowers twice, he cooks for me, he calls me when I ask, and sometimes even just because he wants to. I know I’m lucky to have someone like him.

But then… I still find myself getting frustrated or doubting things, and it feels irrational. One big difference between us is how often we want to see each other. He’s more of an introvert and really values his "me time." If it were up to me, we’d see each other four times a week, but for him, 2-3 times is ideal. We compromised on three times, which I know is fair, but there’s still a part of me that thinks, “Why wouldn’t he want to spend more time with me if he really liked me?” I understand that too much time together can lead to burnout, and I do have my own life and hobbies. But somehow, I still fixate on it and end up feeling a bit insecure.

On top of that, I nitpick these tiny things he doesn’t do instead of focusing on all the amazing things he does do. For example, when we’re walking, he doesn’t always touch my back or hold my hand. Or he doesn’t always send me memes or use emojis in his texts. These are such small things, and logically, I know they don’t mean anything, but I still find myself hyper-focused on them. And when he’s tired and doesn’t have much to say, I can feel myself getting frustrated instead of giving him some grace.

To make it worse, sometimes I blurt out random, insecure questions. Like, I once watched a TikTok where a girl got dumped out of the blue, and I immediately asked him if he was planning to break up with me. He was so patient about it, but I felt ridiculous afterward.

Every now and then, a bigger issue comes up—like the difference in our sex drives (we’ve talked it through and found a compromise, but it’s still on my mind sometimes). I keep wondering if these doubts mean we’re not compatible, or if it's just my fear and anxiety trying to protect me from getting hurt. Like, am I subconsciously trying to “beat him to the punch” and end things first before he can? I feel bad for him because I know my anxiety can be exhausting, but he’s been so patient and understanding through it all.

I really want to enjoy this relationship and feel secure, but my anxious mind just won’t let me relax. I could really use some advice on how to manage these feelings or any perspective from people who’ve been through something similar. How do I stop overthinking and just let myself be happy? Thank you for reading this—I know it’s a bit of a ramble, but I appreciate any insights.